I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
