would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
