If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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