i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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