At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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