planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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