absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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