they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
