I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
