Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize