this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The Olympian is in my bed
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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