Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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