So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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