is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
