she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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