one might say we're banned from that church
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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