Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We talked him into tasing himself.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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