Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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