Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
