Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
