Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
