Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
