Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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