Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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