I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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