I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
