if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
