he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
