My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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