Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
