oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
