Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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