She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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