i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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