The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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