highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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