Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
