Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
