I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
