Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
