I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
