Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
