just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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