Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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