Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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