dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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