I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
