Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ketchup is God's man juice
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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