Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
