This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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