I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
