I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
