and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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