i think my tv is drunk
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
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Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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