Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
