It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
