mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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