Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so explain again why im purple
no
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
