It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
