you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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