I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
babies were throwing up all over the place
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
