Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
