I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
