these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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