and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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