by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize