I CAN MOONWALK!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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