I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
