i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
